Unequally yoked will leave you S C R A M B L E D

Last night I was up reading another entry from one of my favorite bloggers at the moment Dr.Rob called "As a woman does earning too much hinder my chances of settling down?" (go head and have a butchers...& thank me later). As always it was a very interesting read with some major key points that really triggered a thought process into some questions regarding my own personal situation. Instead of posting a long winded comment on Dr.Rob's blog I figured I might as well post my own blog entry with my take on the subject matter.

Right! ...So as a woman does earning too much hinder my chances of settling down? ermmm it plays a huge part. Thing is when your a woman who has everything situated, your making your own money, and your pretty independent, already you fall into the category of that 'high caliber female' the kind that would be considered intimidating to the average male. Although from the offset it's something to be admired it can also be possible for a potential suitor to feel constrained to live up to that standard if they're not on that level to begin with.

After reading DrRob's blog I won't even go as far as saying "men step your game up" because I believe there are a plethora of men who are on their thing, but I will say this; "WOMEN AIM HIGHER" yes I'm directing this at you. At the end of it all we as women should begin to raise our standards and start to become more attracted to the men that are on our level instead of wasting time entertaining relationships with men that are not. (i.e As a career driven woman you should gear towards a career driven man, because 'like should attract like' right?) I've nearly gone half crazy trying to figure out what made me "intimidating" to the average Joe, I've heard it all "u seem like the stush type" "your a bit high maintenance innit" blah blah blah and for ages I thought I was the problem. Maybe I gave off this "independent woman I don't need a man" type of vibe, but in actual fact I was an eagle mingling amongst pigeons. Any man who perceives a woman who is well put together as "stush" is not the type of man a well put together woman should go for...

I'm a firm believer of surrounding yourself with like minded individuals (refer to my other post: Birds of a feather flock together : F A C T ! ) and I guess the same should be said for a potential partner.
Whoever you choose to be in a relationship with should be a mirrored reflection of who you are, where you're going, and what you aspire to be.

["But Lola where am I suppose to find these men?" uhhhh read this... #ThankMeLater]

FOOD FOR THOUGHT V O L 0.1 "80-20 Relationship Rule"

Ladies and Gentlemen, and you..lol
Have you heard of the 80-20 relationship rule? As I am aware Bishop TD Jakes had touched on this before so I thought I'd give my take on it, for you to digest and express your own opinions if you like, or pass it on to whom ever.


Lola's 80-20 Rule:
In our relationship, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. So therefore we would often go searching for somewhere/someone who fills in the small space of the other 20% and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally fulfilled that empty void your current partner was unable to fill. HOWEVER, though searching could either be as innocent as seeking within friendships to fill that void it could also mean contemplating taking risks in cheating, or leaving your 80% for that small 20% your missing out on.  What you need to realise is that in doing this your only left with... 20%.  Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80% (do the math...20% vs 80%)

YOU GET ME??...kool...I'll go on.

Now I believe this is where most marriages/relationships fail. Most people only get about 80% of what they need in a marriage and honestly the 20% shouldn't really be a big issue.
The problem is so many men and women put way too much focus on what they are NOT getting out of the relationship (instead of what they already have) meaning dissatisfaction which then puts a strain on the relationship that 9/10 times ends in divorce/breaking up/cheating on the 80% as the 20% seems to be more appealing (at the time)...so in hindsight you have lost out on 80% satisfaction for the quick 20% fix (do the math...20% vs 80%)

YOU STILL WITH ME YEH?...kool...OK LET ME ROUND IT UP

Lola's Final Thoughts:
Reality is no relationship is perfect as we all have flaws and will fall short in life in many areas. Unspoken expectations are a relationship killer. The key to a sustainable relationship is to accept the 80% and work on the 20% ...and just be happy. I mean look at it this way; you'd be deeply pissed if you left your plate of Jollof rice, plantain and assorted meat on the table to go get an extra piece of chicken and come back to find someone else eating from your plate...

THINK ABOUT IT!


...and that's all she wrote

Fashion Finds: Spring/Summer 2011 Collection - Ruthie Davis & Kurt Geiger [ S H O E G A S M ]

It's been a long time coming but here is another installment of shoegasm for ya!! courtesy of Kurt Geiger & Ruthie Davis.

Ruthie Davis
I LOVE this designer with their  famous fashion forward and futuristic approach to design. They are always up to date with the latest shoe trends and their Summer 2011 collection does not dissapoint in the slightest, just have at look at those bright colours, platforms and spikes *drool*

Kurt Geiger
This Summer KG have gone vintage on us with these 70's inspired styles, they have comletely embraced the colour block trend with these brights.  The retro feel focuses on femininity with playfulness.  The design are surprising and not your typical style from KG.  Platform pumps, wedges & clogs make up most of Kurt Geiger’s collection. Love Love Love em!!

Fashion Finds: O O T D (outfit of the day) vintage

My mum was going through her clothes she had from nigeria and I caught my eye on this gawjus blue Ankara (African print) maxi dress. It was huge on me so I decided to pair it with a navy blue waist belt which brought some shape to the dress and surprisingly it looked bang on trend. thanx mummy!!









Photography by: Raliat photography (9 yr old sister)

Fashion Finds: O O T D (outfit of the day)

So I went to church and this is the outfit I threw together:

Photography by my 9yr old sister

Skirt: H&M | Top: H&M | Blazer: H&M | Bag: Primark | Shoes: umm Forever 21 I think



Emotional post: T H E L O S T O N E S

Last night I was going through this whole “Men are crazy” rampage, calling up my male friends/acquaintances to shed light on the subject as to why men say and do the dumbest shh...stuff. I was at the end of my tether and was ready to rule out men (black men in particular) all together; no foreal...I was done lol. It wasn’t until a specific conversation I had that steered from me ranting about how much men suck to the downfall of the black race as a whole, a complete 180 right? Yea it went that deep, as deep as: “The black race is f***ed”.  Wow, I actually couldn’t say anything, or object to it because I agreed completely. Specifically looking at our youths, the gang culture, our family unit etc and how messed up some of it is, it really does hit home that our community is deteriorating.  Although the conversation went on into different directions, I even stopped paying  attention at some points and at times forgot what I was saying; the statement “The black race is f***ed” kept replaying over and over again in my head. It had affected me to the point where I couldn’t sleep and somehow I’ve found myself in front of my computer screen typing this with tears welled up in my eyes.

“The black race is f***ed” How did we get to this point? How did things manage to get THIS bad? In particular why are our youths killing each other? These are the questions that we continue to ask ourselves, CONSTANTLY. Well let’s look at the common factors: broken homes, boredom, no faith in the system, No positive guidance - the list can go on. We all know of the common factors and yet as a community this is all we dwell on "why are we killing each other?" "Why is gang culture so prominent within the black community?" Well this is why: we have glamorised and glorified the gang culture and it’s evident in the media. Girls putting bad boy’s on a pedestal giving these boys an incentive to be “bad”, and THE LACK OF POSITIVE GUIDANCE.

There comes a point where as a community we should be held accountable for each other. We can complain, point the finger, and blame the system until our faces turn blue but hear this; the system is not going to fix this problem. The harsh reality is the system was not put in place to help us, you know it and I know it...So what now?

The problem with us as a black race is that we've taken the UNITY out of community. Where are all the positive role models?  We need more positive role models in our community for the next generation to aspire to be. They need guidance, without any form of guidance one is lost and unfortunately the only guidance they have comes in the form of "the streets". Don't leave it up to the elders on road to guide the next generation, deeming them "youngers" putting them under their wing only to steer them in the wrong direction. Instead we should build more positive leaders that can mentor these young ones and steer them into a direction that can better them and make them an example that their peers can look up to.

As a black race please let’s stop dwelling on how we got this way and concentrate on how WE are going to change it. We’re only as f***ed as we allow ourselves to be.

With tears streaming down my face at 3am in the morning, I have come to the conclusion that I can't turn my back on my people and expect the system to have their back...I’m sorry.

"A little less complaint and whining, and a little more dogged work and manly striving, would do us more credit..." -W.E.B. Du Bois

Fashion Finds: How to wear L E G G I N G S

Leggings, can't get enough of them right?? I ♥ leggings, I don't know what I would do without them...honestly. However not everyone knows how to rock a decent pair of leggings, whether it be problems with what looks good on your body type or how to piece it together with everything else. Welp, here are some helpful tips/visuals that should lead you towards the path of "chic", I advise you to take notes.

...With a Crop top
"oh no, no no! you can't wear leggings as trousers!" uhh who made that rule up? Of course you can!, just as long as it doesn't offend anyone. For my slimmer ladies with that modelesque physique you can actually get away with wearing leggings with a short top. For my daring shapelier females go ahead and rock the same look but throw on a long cardi or blazer just so your rump doesn't cause car accidents lol.

...with boots
Who said leggings were boring? well you can dress it up or down by your foot wear. Throw on an ankle boot for that Kim K look or go all out with the knee high boot, flat or heeled boots would really compliment a good legging nicely.

...with a longline vest
For the more modest type, or if your pretty bottom heavy then you might opt for wearing your leggings with a long line vest/top. It still looks good and it covers the risky areas lol. I personally prefer wearing my leggings with a longline vest rather than a tunic, I still want to look like I'm wearing a top with leggings rather than a dress with leggings.

Wet look Leggings Rock! (sometimes)

Have a look at how I would reccomend you'd wear wet look leggings:

How NOT to wear wet look leggings

Leggings gets a thumbs up from me, just avoid looking like the above and your good to go! ♥

LOVE it?...Find it: ASOS | American Apparel | H&M