Get out my hair...P L E A S E

To whom it may concern,

For years the weave debate has been an ongoing argument. As of recently I’ve found myself in the midst of these debates (pro weave of course) fighting my corner, going round after round, taking a couple blows and sending a few myself, but now I can honestly say that I’m exhausted!

The funny thing is I’m having these debates with MEN, black men that have issues with black women “not embracing their natural hair”, black men that HATE weave on black women, black men that are disappointed in the fact that black women are conforming to the stigma of society’s perception of [European] beauty. What HURTS me the most, is the same black man that is telling me that I must “hate myself” because I wear weave, is putting the likes of Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle union, Megan Goodd etc, weave wearing BEAUTIFUL black women on a pedestal so high they could catch a nose bleed. If I as a black woman are being made guilty of conforming to society’s perception of beauty, then YOU as a black man are just as guilty...no? I mean this so called perception was created by a MAN right? And as a black man you fed into it and decided that: European features = beauty.

Some people have been so quick to get on the black woman for “self hate” and disowning her natural self, not embracing who she really is, that’s HER issue. But there comes a point where men...yes you black men, have to take some responsibility. Are YOU EMBRACING OUR NATURAL STATE, do you have the likes of India Arie, Jill scott, Lauryn Hill, Goapele and Erykah Badu (to name a few) on your top 5...well? Be honest with yourself. Think about all the black women in the industry you find attractive, now weed out the ones that have NATURAL HAIR. If they all do, then this post is not directed to you, if none of them do then please keep reading. If you are a black woman that hates the state of your natural hair, that doesn’t embrace the origins of your hair, that use weave to hide the “shame” you call your own hair... this post is NOT for you.

 My Hair journey:

Yes I wear weave, I love weave it’s like a new pair of shoes to me, I don’t wear weave because I need it, I wear it because I like to, it’s a PREFERENCE. I started to wear weave more often during my transition stage (going natural) I haven’t relaxed my hair in 2 years. My natural hair texture isn’t kinky it’s pretty soft and when I had come to this realisation I thought it be a waste of money to relax my hair especially if it didn’t take much to get my hair to the desired way I wanted it without using hard chemicals. Although I personally don’t agree with relaxing your hair solely because it’s easier to manage.

I wore weave as a protective style, to protect my natural hair from heat damage and other elements and it worked because within a year my hair has grown dramatically but I still have a long way to go in terms of its thickness. But I LOVE my natural hair in all its fluffiness.

“Lola why so hard on the black man, isn’t this a black woman’s problem” I’m not disputing that. It is very much our problem but when some black men want to rant and rave about it, and act as though they have not contributed to the problem this is where I have to put my foot...well in this case fingertips... down! Lol.  I’ve heard it all; “too many black girls wearing weave, see and they wonder why we go for the lighties” – black man. Seriously?? That statement in itself is so backward. So you’re telling me because you feel like black women aren’t rocking their natural kinky hair you’ll opt for a woman that has naturally soft, wavy/curly hair (who probably has tracks in anyway) the same kind of hair that said"self hating" black woman is being accused of emulating, uh so basically not only is she not willing to embrace her natural state you’re not either...hmmm with comments like these we’re just going around in circles pointing the finger with no solution to the “problem”.

For the women that embrace their natural hair but wear weave purely as a protective style, or to change up their style, or it’s just something they like to wear, then by all means wear it, wear it well and wear it with confidence. Even for the women that relax their hair, and do it simply because it’s a style they prefer, rock it with confidence!

For the weave hating black men; why don’t you openly embrace some of these natural sisters a bit more? stop talking about it, you never know, it may be the solution to this “problem”. Hmm maybe some of the “self hating, weaved up chemically altered” black women may just feel pressured to go natural if natural women became more desirable.

And that’s all she wrote,

Yours, CONFIDENTLY SECURE IN MY OWN SKIN, BLACK WOMAN.

*flicks remy...drops mic*



Wise Words on: R E L A T I O N S H I P S

"When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on- series polygamy- until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimension to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."

- Tom Robbins (Still Life with Woodpecker 1980)

The Woman Manual: FOR THE M A N D E M

1. Chivalry is very much alive...if you keep it that way
Yes I know a lot of us women like to protest about being an independent woman blah blah. But we still like it when you open doors, pull out chairs and all that good stuff. It's not like we can't do it ourselves its just nice to see that a guy has a gentleman side.

2. We like to talk all you have to do is LISTEN
You know this already, yes women like to talk, talk about our day, our emotions, vent, you know get some things off our chest. All we ask is that you just sit and listen, nod a couple times with a  "wow really?" thrown in here and there. We don't expect you to fix the problem or have all the answers just listen, it won't hurt. It's worse if we notice that your not paying attention we talk more [on purpose] which evidently gets on your nerves.

3. So your ballin? that's great...but I got this
We don't mind you guy's paying, but we don't expect you to do it all the time. We actually don't have any problem picking up the bill, honestly. Also don't go taking out loans, maxing out your credit cards falling into near bankruptcy just to impress us. We see through the guys that use their student loan to pop champs at the club especially when they're leaving in a Ford KA.

4. If your going to look at another chick either be discreet or own up to it!
9 out of 10 times we did see you stare at her backoff so to then try and deny it just makes you look very stupid. I mean we probably clocked her ass to, matter fact a lot of the times we've already seen the female first and just look at you to see if you would fall for the bait and sneak a look. If your girl is anything like me, my advice is to just own up to it, or you can do one of these 2 things:

a.) You already know you want to look at said girl, so nudge your girl and be like "ay babes...I swear you got those jeans/dress/leggings" as your girl proceeds to look over, you've given yourself  a free pass to look at the ass with no problem.

b.) Look in the direction the said girl will walk prematurely. Pretend your looking at something ahead, then when she walks past your already looking in that direction no longer liable as to what walks into your peripheral vision.

4.No means no! not yes, not maybe, not I'm thinking about it
I feel like this is pretty self explanatory. When a woman say's no she more than likely means it. It will never be a yes, she will not change her mind. Matter fact her mind is already made up, so just accept the "no" humbly and keep it moving.

5.Being "cute" is a good thing
We've seen men go into full-body convulsions at this word. If we say you're cute, be very impressed.

6.The Ex talk
Talking about your Ex and making comparisons to us is a straight RED CARD and a deuces. Unless we ask, we don't care to know that your ex has the same complexion as us, or she did this for you or we should try this because your ex did. It makes you look like your still caught up and haven't moved on, its a turn off and quite frankly going on and on about your Ex will make us X you out like its Britain's Got Talent.

7. Leave the "Road Man" at home
Fair enough us women like "bad boys", there's something sexy about them. However don't talk to us like we're one of the man dem, excessive swearing, profanity, lude comments. Save it for when your jamming with your boys, as a lady we don't really need to hear all that thanks.

8.We can't read your minds or your body...open your mouth
Unless you tell us, we will not know if your interested. Guy's are known for sending mixed signals, they may act like they're interested but it could be just an ACT in order to get us into bed (you know its true). Be real, we don't want to have to try and figure things out or make silly assumptions. Spare us the headache and just let us know wa gwan.

9. Your one of a few
Don't assume that your the only guy that is trying to pursue us. More than likely we're talking to a couple other guys, its called options. Guy's have them and so do us females. So I suggest you don't get too comfortable and start slacking because the day you randomly call her she will drop the "oh I'm kinda seeing someone right now" line..yea you didn't make the cut...sorry.

10. Its all about eyes, touch and smile [exactly in this order]
If we gaze into your eyes, then proceed to touch your arm, thigh/leg, or chest, followed by a smile it only means one thing "I want you". It's as simple as that.



[Disclaimer:  This is from my own words/personal experiences I don't speak for ALL women, but I'm sure the majority can co-sign]

A New Year a New Me: W E I G H T L O S S

Ok so we're already 2 months into the New Year and although I’m not one for new year resolutions, I did say that I was going to concentrate on getting fit, losing weight and just being a bit more active.  Well so far so good...I think. I’ve been working out more and eating sensibly. (Well trying to)


Eating Habits:
I never really had bad eating habits, I’m not one for overeating or sweet things (I’m a savoury kinda chick). However my main problem was skipping breakfast and eating dinner late at night. I bet your thinking “hmm skipping meals, doesn’t that make you lose weight?” uhh HECK NO! If anything you can easily gain more weight from skipping meals, why? Well you see when you don’t eat you get really hungry and are prone to stuff your face later on in the day, and we all know the later you eat the less time you have to burn it off. Also after every meal skipped when you do finally eat something your body takes every single ounce of calorie, fat, sugar every little bit from that meal as a way to refuel itself, imagine your body saying “yes! food!..finally..I’ll take that, have me some of that...oh and that...yes more...more!!..MORE!!”
So what’s the solution you ask? Well eating as frequently as you can but in small HEALTHY portions (“ehh?? You mean to tell me eating a lot helps me lose weight”) Yeah! sounds crazy but having frequent small meals actually boosts your metabolism and you end up burning more fat...don’t believe me? Google it!

Being Active
I’d be the first to say I’m one lazy *bleep*. I hate having to get up and go to the gym, it’s like the biggest pain in the *bleep* [oh eff it]... the biggest pain in the ARSE! (Yes I just said arse...sue me?) That’s how much I hate the gym. It’s like my hate for chocolate, I rather not eat it but I’d get a craving every now and then. If I want to vent out some frustration, I’d head to the gym and work it off, however if I’m in a great mood, you won’t see me in there for anything lol.

Evidently this mentality had to change, so I’ve been thinking of fun way’s to work out. I have no problem staying active just as long as it’s fun. We know that in order to see results it’s best to work out ATLEAST 3 times a week (or more depending on your goal).

So as well as going to the gym, I’ve taken up Zumba classes, also been working out with my Wii at home (Just dance, Michael Jackson experience...bloody fun mate, I highly recommend it). I have recently been introduced to this Nike Training Club iPhone app, this thing is a GOD SEND I tell ya! No joke you get a really good work out from it, like I mean; sweat, aches & pains the following day the whole thing. HIGHLY RECCOMEND IT!! If you have an iphone/ipod/ipad whatever, download this app and let me know what you think, I guarantee it will change your life.

I advise that you find other great way’s to stay active. Don’t end up doing the same work out at the gym, same routine blah blah blah, its good to surprise your body sometimes you get better results that way. You can go for walks, jogs, take up dance classes (rhythm or not hehehe it’s still fun and sweaty), kick boxing/martial arts, Wii/Kinect, anything that keeps your heart racing and makes you sweat. Yes ANYTHING...I know what you’re thinking, yes even that hehehehe.  

Method to my madness:
I decided to do all this basically because I wanted to; it had nothing to do with what others around me had to say. That’s the key factor when changing anything about yourself you have to make sure that your doing it for YOU and not for someone else. I’ve had people say “why u going gym for? Why you trying to lose weight? You look fine...don’t go and get too skinny” in the same sense I’ve also heard “hmph! You’ve gained weight boi, maybe if your body looked a little trimmer that dress would suit you”. Now if I listened to these people I’d actually go mad, you see how it’s one thing then another, a bit confusing right? That’s why it’s best to listen to YOU. Think about why you should be doing this, if losing weight is something you really want. If you’re the type to have self esteem issues maybe it could be a deeper problem than just weight, you might want to evaluate that. All in all I’d encourage you to LOVE every part of you, flaws and all. No, there’s nothing wrong with altering a few things here and there if you feel it will better who you are but don’t let the pressure of today’s society make the decisions for you.
Just do you honey [finger snap].

Fashion Finds: Christian Louboutin spring 2011 C O L L E C T I O N

Its here, its finally here! [shoegasm]. I can now reveal to you Christian Louboutin's 2011 spring collection [roar of applause]. BUT! hmm I dunno if I can really get excited about this collection, although I have a couple faves the majority...not so much. However have a look for yourself.

I'd have to say I was more excited about the Winter collection, I nearly took out a loan, hehehhe! ...No foreal. 

[Link Luv] La Passion Des Louboutins

My Perfect Imperfections ♡

In light of what's happened with the young woman dying from having an illegal butt enhancment procedure. I would just like to encourage all women to embrace their WHOLE selves. flaws and all. If God wanted you otherwise he would have created you otherwise, no need to feel like you should alter what you have. Your his BEAUTIFUL creation, please remember that. So embrace your perfect imperfections!

Here's me talking about my perfect imperfections :o)

Fashion Finds: Louis Vuitton G A L U C H A T [I want it series]

Those that know me, know that I ♥ LV, and when it comes to designer bags I DO NOT fake it, its an insult to the designer (as my mum say's).

Let me introduce you to the clutch of all clutches, the new addition to the Louis Vuitton 2011 Spring collection.

Galuchat Maestria Clutch Purse

This clutch which comes in Fuchsia (pictured), Amethyst and Grenat is an absolute beauty, and at £2,990 it's worth it! (well thats what I plan to tell myself ahahaha! it most def breaks the bank..but there's always mum :o) )

Side note* Look at this gawjus cake...I want!!